


I'd rather it be me

by Sanziene



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, the Damrey is here for the angst, this is definitely Reylo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-05-07 00:15:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14659194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sanziene/pseuds/Sanziene
Summary: It’s been four months since Crait and the Force bond still opens without them having any control over it. Lately it’s been opening less and less, and when it does they try their best to ignore each other. Rey has been spending more and more time with Poe, and in the last couple of weeks things have slowly began to change between them, their friendship turning into something more.





	I'd rather it be me

The Force bond opens and before Rey could acknowledge it, she hears Ben’s voice. 

“You’re with Poe …” he says with such hurt in his voice that it stops Rey from making a mean remark. 

She doesn't know how he knows, but she nods a yes. The bond closes.

 *

It’s two weeks later that it opens again, while Rey and Poe are having a late dinner in an empty cafeteria.

She chokes on her food when he pops up right across from her, Poe sitting to her side.

“He’s with you now, isn’t he?” Ben asks and Rey ignores him.

He looks over to where Poe is sitting, but Rey knows he can't see her surroundings.

“It makes sense, the two of you…” he says, resignation on his face and in his voice, then turns and leaves. 

The bond can open all it want, but it can’t keep him in the same room with  _them_.

There’s a bitter taste in Rey’s mouth as she watches his ghostly shape move through walls that don’t exist in his world.

She puts the fork down, all her hunger gone. She tries to focus her attention back to Poe, but can’t, no matter how hard she tries, Ben’s hurt face is all she sees.

 *

When the bond opens again she is pissed, the sort of pissed one gets from days and days of writing scenarios in your head and not being able to play them out because the other half is missing.

“You have  _no right_  to do this, you have no right to be upset or hurt over this!” She yells at him as soon as she feels him, before he has the chance to materialize himself fully in her world.

“I know.” he answers, and in all the scenarios in her head, that was not an answers he’d ever given.  

It’s Rey that turns and leaves this time. Her mouth had opened and closed several times, with no words escaping it, her brain unwilling or unable to come up with a pointed remark, so she does the only thing she can, she leaves.

 *

The bond begins to open more often than before, but still not as much as on Ahch-Too, where it had opened even several times a day. Rey begins to suspect that thinking of each other might have something to do with it.

They try to ignore each other every time it opens, mostly because they don’t know what there is left to say.

 *

It’s another two weeks, and to Rey’s knowledge the bond hasn’t opened at all. She’s with Poe again, and she’s got her back pressed to a durasteel wall, he’s got one arm pressed to the same wall, the other moving up and down her waist. They’re kissing, and there’s a pit the size of a black hole in her stomach when she feels the bond opening.

_No no no!_

_He saw, Ben saw it!_   Rings in her head.

For some reason she feels horrible, guilty and ashamed, like a wife that had just been caught by her husband’s unexpected arrival while in the throes of passion with another. She quickly says her goodbyes to Poe and watches him leave with a wide smile on his face.

She feels Ben’s eyes burning a hole in her but she can’t look up at him, not yet. But her shame is turning fast into anger, she has nothing to be ashamed of, he has no right to make her feel like this.

She snaps her eyes to him and opens her mouth to give him a piece of her mind.

“I don’t care that you’re with him,” Ben says, before words come out of her mouth, moving closer to her, pinning her back to the wall,  “because I know at night you’re dreaming of me.”

She opens her mouth to argue with his stupid remark, but he traces two ungloved fingers down her face and just like in the little hut on Ahch-Too, she sees inside of him again. She sees herself, in her bed, heavy with restless sleep, her lips part and an undeniable “ _Ben_ ” escape her traitorous, sleeping lips.

The image shifts and it plays the same picture again and again, with little differences in her sleeping clothes, in the sheets on her bed, in the way she says his name, with longing, with desperation, with desire.

He breaks the touch and she can’t help but wonder just how many nights he’s seen. She curses the Force for opening the bond while she lay asleep.

She hadn’t known, hadn’t remembered whatever she’d been dreaming about, but she knew what she had tried to push down deep inside her for months now. She knew how she felt, knew who’s lips she really wanted on hers, who’s hands she wanted to feel on her body. Her face and neck along with her ears turned four shades redder.

When she dares to look up at him she sees a little, bitter smile on his face and tears swell up in her eyes. “I’d rather it be you…” she says in a cracked voice and she lets go of all the pain and tears she’s been holding on to since Crait. Tears that soon turn into uncontrollable sobs that shake her entire body.

Ben wraps his arms around her and she hugs him back, tight.

“I’d rather it be me, too.” He says, petting her head, and somehow it comes out in such a way that Rey’s crying turns into bright laughter.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments on it.


End file.
